Super-Mom Stress Syndrome and Hypnosis

Sheila (not her real name) left a job as a CPA to begin having children at the age of 35. Megan (an alias) was laid off from a stressful job in corporate America and started her own small business. Besides having major life transitions in their late thirties, what these women have in common is Super-Mom Stress Syndrome.

SMSS presents with the attitude “I can do everything,” “I have to keep all these balls in the air,” “No one can do it except me.” Sheila had lost the luster of her life. She didn’t want to DO anything with the family she was so busy taking care of, preferred to eat her dinner alone, sat and read books on family vacations, drank wine alone at night. Megan, on the other hand, was running like a rat in a maze, with a constant state of brain fog. The main difference is Sheila’s case had persisted longer and had now turned in to burn out.

Both of these women have an engrained attitude that they have to “do it all” and there is no “me time” left in the equation. Interestingly, neither came to me to work on this problem. Both instead wanted to work on weight loss.

In reality, weight loss is the symptom, not the problem. Massive stress causes the body to produce more adrenaline and cortisol. Cortisol, particular, will cause the body to hold fat around the mid-section. In order to release the excess weight, we have to work on the core issue causing the SMSS. The nice thing about hypnosis is: we don’t really have to know what the core issue is to let it go. We simply instruct the subconscious to do so.

One of the things I always like to do with these or similar cases is Time Line Therapy tm. I refer to Time Line as Emotional Vacuum Cleaning. The process allows us to clean out anger, sadness, fear, hurt and guilt, plus any additional stuck emotions. Then we can eliminate any stuck limiting beliefs like: I’m not good enough.

Another process I include in these types of sessions is deep, deep relaxation and installation of self-hypnosis signals. I generally give the person a trigger word of their choosing that they put on their “trigger color” sticky note and place in strategic spots in clear view. For example, an SMSS mom might have a purple sticky note with the word “relax” on it.

Finally, the SMSS moms are going to get direct suggestion for ways to incorporate more “me time” and homework to being do so by a certain date. I generally give these instructions at the outset and check up on them every week until the new behavior is in place. Hypnosis generally makes the installation of new behaviors much easier and faster than say, cognitive therapy (at least that’s the comments I get from my clients) because it is more like computer re-programming than counseling.

Even with hypnosis, SMSS is not a quick fix. SMSS moms have to be re-trained to put themselves back into the equation of their lives, literally. I usually include a healthy dose of guilt, with the admonition: If you disappear, who is going to take care of all these people.

Food as Inspiration: Kathy’s All-American Pancakes

You probably never expected to see a pancake recipe in an inspirational blog, but I find inspiration EVERYWHERE!  All modesty aside, I’d put my pancakes up against any pancake on Earth.  If Texas had a pancake cook-off instead of a chili cook-off, I’d be right up there in the big middle of it…grinnin’ like the Cheshire cat.

My basic philosophy of food, is that healthy food should be delicious, and my pancakes exemplify that doctrine.  They are scrumptiously loaded with just about every healthy ingredient you could think to put in a pancake.  Now, for those of you who aren’t sold on the “healthy-delicious” mantra, you can use regular white pancake flour as your base.  However, I promise, you will not lose any flavor points if you take the leap and use whole grain or sweet otato flour.

Is your mouth watering yet? Good.  Here goes…..(make a batch and then email me with your results.)

Pancakes for Three Hungry People at 4^th of July breakfast

1 cup whole grain or sweet potato flour (sub: ½ and ½ with regular pancake mix)

1 egg

¼ cup chopped walnuts or pecans

¼ cup chopped strawberries (RED)

¼ cup blueberries (BLUE)

¼ cup sliced bananas (WHITE)

tsp cinnamon

tbs. Flax seed ground

¼ cup Oatmeal – not instant

½ to 1 cup water for desired consistency

Blend all ingredients.  Then add water for desired consistency.  Fry in butter in frying pan.  Top cooked pancakes with your favorite syrup, butter or whipped cream. Garnish with fruit and nuts for eye appeal.

From the basic recipe I’ve given you, come up with your favorite alternates.  I sometimes use cherries or apples.  But I think peaches would be great, too.  Blackberries and raspberries, too.  Sweet potato flour is awesome!  Let your own muse inspire you.

p.s.– Stay tuned for more inspirational recipes.

Heroes: “Who’s your cure for the economic depression?”

I know I said we were going to start a segment on heroes in everyday life, and then I’ve just been too busy with, well…. Life…. to write anything for a while.  But I finally came up with some new heroes. 

#1.  Late Late Night Show host, Craig Ferguson.  The Scotish native, naturalized U.S. citizen is undoubtedly the funniest man alive.  It doesn’t matter what kind of day I’ve had.  The man is hysterically funny.  If you haven’t seen him, he is a less frenetic, deeper version of Robin Williams, in my opinion.  Case in point, the other night he had frequent guest, Madeleine Albright (former Secretary of State) on the show.  The topic that night was my other new hero, Texas Governor, Rick Perry and his attempts to get Texas to secede from the U.S.

#2.  Rick, the dick, is my newest hero, simply because he gives me tons of fodder for jokes.  What WERE Texans thinking when they elected the ……..????

Anyway, this is supposed to be an inspirational column, so enough of Texas politics.  After all, this is the stomping ground of former (Thank God!!!!) president, W. 

My point being…. if you want to survive the current economic situation, find some humor in it.  I can’t think of anything more comical than Texas politics.  For a great take on the former, watch Craig Ferguson.

Ya’ll come back now, heah?

Detachment

For 10 years, back in the 80’s I kept dream journals. It was during my most profound phase of self-discovery. I had read about lucid dreaming and problem solving in your sleep, and decided I wanted to learn how to do it all.

One of the dreams I can recall as if I had it yesterday.

I was high atop a mountain in Hawaii. The weather was perfect, breezy and fresh. A group of native women were standing on either side of a long wooden table, weaving straw baskets. A tall, muscular, impressive-looking Hawaii man, with a radiant smile, stood next to them. Down below, I could see traffic scurrying along on the street like so many ants. Busy.

As I walked up to the big Hawaiin, his smile was so brilliant, it made me catch my breath. It was so peaceful here, on top of the mountains, with the natives, weaving baskets. That’s all there was: this place, the Hawaiins in their colorful grab, the straw baskets, the fresh air, the peacefulness.

“When am I ever going to get here,” I asked him pleadingly.

He just smiled back at me, and said, “Don’t worry. You will someday.”

I awoke from that dream feeling so wonderful, even though I knew I didn’t completely understand it. Somehow, I knew he was right. I trusted that I would “get there someday.”

Tonight, more than 15 years later, the answer came to me.

I was lying in bed, thinking back over my day, preparing mentally for sleep. I thought about the new part-time job I had taken a few months back, thanks to the current economic conditions. It was an interesting place. Management mostly ran around like chickens with their heads cut off. “Oh, the sky is falling. The sky is falling. What shall we do??”

The workers constantly complained about everything that management did or said, even though they all had jobs in the midst of the worst jobless rate since the Great Depression.
I had a new “boss,” twenty years my junior, who was constantly trying to give me ‘sales tips’ on ways I could improve my “sales game,” even though I’d been selling since he was in diapers. And his style of selling was the “hard-core-razzle-dazzle-shell-game” and I only did relationship selling, and did unto others as I would they do unto me.

I was mulling it all over, the way one does right before falling asleep, when suddenly I realized that none of the afore-mentioned situations bothered me one iota. And I knew, in the core of my being, that I had, in fact, “gotten there.” I had made it to the top of the mountain.

So here I am, up in the middle of the night, writing this down, for anyone who will read or hear it.

“Why?” you might ask.

I’m not sure. Maybe I think the big Hawaiin would be proud.

Using Hypnosis to Help Children Deal with Anger

Little Johnny (not his real name) was ten years old when his mother brought him to see me.  “He’s having trouble dealing with anger,“ she told me.

 

Johnny sat with his head down and his eyes lowered in the big, over-stuffed green recliner.  All of my questions were met with a shrug of his brave shoulders and a muttered, “ I don’ know.”  My last comment must have touched a nerve because when I said, “Your mom says you’re getting angry alot,” tears started rolling down his tanned cheeks.  Soon he was sobbing.

 

“It’s okay,” his mother and I said in unison.  “Even big guys cry in this chair,” I added.  Since I specialize in working with anxious clients, it’s easy for me to spot a “high sensitive.”  Ninety percent of all the people who come to see me for anxiety are “sensitives.”

 

I asked “When your mom feels sad, can you feel it, too?”  After nodding vigorously, he cried even more.  So I explained to him that he could feel things other people couldn’t feel or weren’t willing to feel.  I explained further that I was going to teach him how to put a bubble around himself so he would only absorb happy feelings from others.  Also, his bubble would take the negative feelings and change them to happy ones before sending them back to the other person.

 

Next we talked about “magic rocks.”  “Black rocks can absorb the negative energy,” I said.  “Is that why he’s always bringing me ‘magic rocks?’ his mom asked amazedly.  “Yes,” I said. 

 

Johnny was a natural healer.  So I gave him one of my rocks to keep with him all the time.  “Just rub it if you’re feeling bad and it will take the bad feelings away,” I told him.

 

Finally we did a very simple healing visualization where he met his guardian angels, his favorite super hero (Super Man) and his animal totem, which turned out to be a pit bull.  I thought that was cool because he was afraid of the dark and needed a protective animal guide.  I suggested in trance that the pit bull would guard the bedroom door at night so no negative energy could get inside.

 

Super Man took the bad feelings away with Kryptonite and the angels hugged him and told him he was loved and very special.

 

By the time we finished, the shy little boy had turned into an inquisitive chatterbox.  As he was leaving, I gave him one of my “let it go” posters and said, “Teach your family and friends how to sing the song when they are feeling bad.” 

 

Children are very resilient.  Most of the time the only need one session for anger.

“Who’s Your Hero?” Henrietta’s story

Hi! Long time, no talk.  The economic crisis hit my doorstep, too.  I’ve been busy downsizing my business, closing the Wellness Center that I helped to create along with lots of other great folks and finding a full-time job to go with my (now) part-time business. 

Sounds bleak, doesn’t it?  It actually got pretty scary right before I got the job (a telephone marketing job which I happen to be really enjoying, not to mention the steady paycheck for the first time in ten years.) For a brief while, I thought I might lose my home.   The vulturous debt-collectors were circling overhead.

During that time, I really found out who my friends were.  And these are the people I want to write about for the next 30 days. 

With all the bad news swirling around us, I thought it would be a good idea to spread a little hope for a change, so I’m going to write about the folks who inspire me, and, if you feel it, you can write me back and tell me about the folks who are keeping you going nowadays.  

I’m not talking about the biggies, like everybody’s hero, our new president.  I’m talking about the little guys, the guys and gals you know personally who are quietly making a difference in the lives of people around you.  Maybe there’s someone who is really making a difference in your community or y0ur school, or church.  Maybe they’ve made a difference for you at work.  Hey, we could all use some good news about work!! So write back and let us all hear about it. 

Okay, so first let me say that learning to ask for help was a BIG , no a HUGE, step for me.  But I really didn’t have a choice.  I began slowly going under financially, and then I began going under at an alarming rate.  I had begun months earlier looking for extra work.  At one point I even tried to go to work overseas as a civilian, you know, with one of those Gigantic corporations about to be indicted for bilking the government out of millions?  Lucky for me, that job fell through. 

Finally, it got so bad we had to close the wellness center.  Immediately,  I got work.  Then my business picked up and now things are better than they’ve been in years.  But before they got there a tiny little red-haired Hispanic woman told me, as she handed me $20 for gas, “a month from now you’ll say to yourself ‘things are all right now.’”  And, you know what, she was right.

That was my friend, Henrietta.  She was there for me the entire time, with gas money, grocery money, cheering me up, cheering me on.  You might be saying , “so what?  she’s your friend.  that’s what she’s supposed to do.”

Fortunately for the people in my town, I’m only one of many, many people whom Henrietta has helped.  She’s sorta like the Mother Teresa of San Antonio.  Uncle Ernie says she’s the closest thing to a saint he’s ever met in real life.  I concur.  She lives off social security and help sometimes from the eight children she raised single – handedly. 

When my Dad was dying of colon cancer two years ago, she went to the house and gave him a sponge bath with rosemary oil.  She was one of his favorite people in the world.  His face lit up when she came into the room.  She ministers to dying people all the time.  Her front yard looks like The Garden of Eden. 

The main thing she gave me was hope in dark times. 

So, whose your Henrietta?  Who’s your hero?

“Sixty Days of Mind Power Techniques” #60

Finally!! We’re on the last day of Mind Power Techniques.  Sorry to have delayed so long.  I’m having difficulty adjusting to this new Edit screen. 

Old Dog.

Anyway, this our final mind power technique has two parts to it.  First, I want to talk about something I imagine most of you are experiencing, negative thoughts.  If you haven’t had any negative thoughts, you have not been paying attention.

I have gone through a particularly grueling few months and, positive thinker that I am, was concerned about WHY someone so positive has been in such a downhill slide. 

So I used one of the Mind Power techniques I write about earlier.  I got out a book, in this case, my bible.  It’s called The Nature of Personal Reality by Jane Roberts ( A Seth Book).  For those of you who don’t know Jane or Seth, Jane channeled Seth, a 10,000 year old spirit, in the 60’s.  Whether you believe in this sort of stuff is immaterial.  The messages are superb and always exactly what I need to hear.

So, early Tuesday morning, after writing since 5 a.m., I got out my bible and said “Ok, Seth, why am I experiencing these difficulties?”  and I opened the book to a page at random.

Seth was talking about a young divorced mother of three who had experienced many negative situations and people recently.  He told her and the readership that negative experiences help us to examine our beliefs.  If something is not making you happy, examine the beliefs that are at issue.  Seth says, although you may think you believe one thing, there is almost always an opposite belief at play that is causing your situation to stalemate.

In my case, I said I believe “Do what you love and the money will follow.”  However, I had been experiencing difficulties in attracting enough business for quite some time.  I realized that buried underneath the positive belief was one that was actually passed done to me through generations that said, “Do what you love and they will kill you for it.”  So basically I could make money as long as I wasn’t doing my heart’s desire for a career.

My solution, for the time being, is to have a part-time stable income that is just something I’m good at and do what I love as well.

You have to resolve your own belief conflicts in the way that works for you.  But first, sit down and examine your beliefs in an area to see where the conflicts are.  Then you can come up with an action plan for removing the beliefs.  The easiest way to find conflicts is to see where you don’t have a clear-cut opinion about something, where you vacillate, or where you feel uneasy or confused about a topic.

Part II:  Read through the Sixty Techniques and find one or two to focus on practicing over the next sixty days.  Pick one you didn’t work with during the Day 30 exercise.

“Sixty Days of Mind Power Techniques” #59

When I am silent, I hear my true self and reach my soul.
When I am silent, I hear with a caring heart.”
                                       . . . . . Thomas Merton

Spend the day in silence.  I think one of the best gifts you can give yourself is to spend the day (or even longer) in silence.  If you live in Texas, there are several places you can go to get away and be silent.    Below is a listing for Lebh Shomea Retreat Center near Kingsville, on the Texas coast.

Web Site: http://www.lebhshomea.org/index.htm

http://www.community4me.com/silentcb.html

If you live somewhere else, google for “silent retreat centers.” 

Or, you may have a place of your own that you can go to to be quiet. 

Deepak Chopra says he goes somewhere to be silent once per month.  Turn down the noise outside your mind and you will turn down the noise inside your mind. 

This is one of the most powerful mind techniques I know.

Why not make it a New Year’s Resolution to spend at least one day per month in silence?

“Sixty Days of Mind Power Techniques” #58

Countdown two days.  Whether you are a democrat, republican, independent, undecided or don’t care, with everything going on in our economy right now, we can all take a few pointers from our incoming president, “Steady Eddie. ”

If you’ve read any of the other posts in this section, you know I write about anxiety quite a bit as it is my specialty as a professional hypnotist.  I’m not sure what techniques our new President uses to keep from being anxious, or maybe he was just born that way, but I do know what techniques I’ve seen work in my hypnosis practice. 

They don’t have to be complicated. 

Let’s review.

Training the mind is like training a dog to walk on a leash.  A firm hand and projecting confidence are of the utmost importance.  If you catch yourself going into worry mode, STOP, and put your attention on something peaceful.  From watching them together, my guess is that Michelle Obama is a great source of Peace of Mind for Barack.  With some people, it’s a favorite place, like a spot at the beach.  Sometimes people feel more secure when they think about their children or their pet.  Find what works for you and put your mind on it when you start to feel anxious.  Don’t wait until the feelings spiral out of control.

As the wellness center director, here are some other of my favorite suggestions :  Aromatherapy, in particular lavendar dabbed behind the ears is relatively inexpensive and stops panic attacks; Rescue Remedy, a Bach flower essence (it even works on anxious dogs, so you know it’s not a placebo), and Whole brain balancing (see Technique #14).

Now go and calm down.

“Sixty Days of Mind Power Tips” #57

Today we’re going to practice a very simple technique, that will be the hardest to master yet most powerful technique you will ever use.

Today you learn to listen.  I teach active listening on the very first day of Hypnosis Training because the secret to being a great hypnotist is being a good listener.  Listening, like scratch baking, is a lost art.  Actually, being a good listener is at the top of the list for most job requirements.

I thoroughly believe most of the emotional and mental problems in our country would be solved if people only learned to listen to each other.

So tomorrow, here is what I want you to do:  Whenever someone speaks to you, repeat what they say back to them.  If they correct you, you misheard.  Repeat it again.  Not in an irritating fashion, but in a way that let’s them know they’ve been heard.

One of the biggest gifts I ever received was that two friends told me I was a terrible listener.  This happened back in 1994.  I was devastated at the time.  But, once I got over the shock and realized they were right, I decided to change.  My whole life changed as a result of that decision.

Try it.  And let me know what happens.