“Jury Duty in Bexar County: Reasons to be Grateful for the Experience”

Finally, the night before jury duty, I decided to let  go of whining and complaining about the impending experience and just be my normal “go with the flow”  self.  Shocking as this confession may sound to some of you: After moving back to Texas in 1998, I had avoided jury duty for 11 years by simply NOT registering to vote.  There wasn’t anyone I cared about seeing get elected, and being an entrepreneur, I definitely could NOT afford the time away from the office.

Once Obama got elected, I was so thrilled to have someone I felt I could believe in, that I decided I’d better “bite the bullet” and register to vote for 2012 (just in case the world DIDN’T come to an end) and I needed to help re-elect Obama.

Anyway… back to my story…

The Monday night before my new adventure into Bexar County jurisprudence, I was sitting at the front yard patio table enjoying the last rays of sunshine with Uncle Ernie.  My octogenarian next-door-neighbor and playmate turned to me and said, “So have you got your face fixed for jury duty yet?” (Translation:  Had I adjusted my attitude sufficiently?)

“Yes,” I replied determinedly.  ”I decided to just make the most of it.”

“Goooooooooood,” he drawled and gave me one of his infamous Evil Chesire cat grins.

The next morning, I awoke early, thanks to the demise of Daylight Savings time.  I got ready quickly and made it to the bus stop early.

One of the newest features of the revised Bexar County Jury Duty  process is:  Your jury summons comes with a free round-trip bus ticket.  Since I live right on the 34/42 bus routes, I have a quick twelve-minute trip to La Villita, the main downtown transfer point.

The third “happy occurrence” was the early morning walk along the San Antonio River, between Villita and Dolorosa.  Those of you who read my blog regularly know I walk along the River all the time with Uncle Ernie, just not this part, the “touristy” part, as we locals refer to it.

We walk the uninhabited paths south of downtown, by Blue Star Art Complex and the HEB headquarters at the Arsenal.  We’re used to quiet walks, beautiful aquatic scenery and an abundance of water fowl.

Lo and behold!  This downtown walk was tranquility to the nth degree.  The only affront to my serene sensibilities was one poor fool on a cell phone, too wrapped up in “business” to live.

The walkway was spotless, unlike the southern stretches of the River.  The colors of the flowers outside the hotels were breath-taking.  A lone grebe gazed forlornly from a cypress tree, not four feet away from me, as if to say, “What are you doing up so early?”

What a contrast this scenario was from the time back in 1998 when I brought my friend, Marilyn, to see the River for the first time.  It was a sweltering August day, wall-to-wall people swarmed the sidewalks, bumping into each other, shoving, sweating.  It was total pandemonium.

Marilyn swore she’d never come back to this, the second most popular tourist attraction IN THE WORLD.  Couldn’t say I blamed her.

Anyway… back to my jury duty story…

I arrived at the Justice Center and was directed to the basement by one of San Antonio’s finest.  She could tell I was confused.  The last time I served on a jury had to be in the 1980’s, and that was in North or South Carolina.  Can’t remember which.

Right away I was impressed with how smoothly everything ran… definitely a first for me in dealing with the City.   Even though the lines were long, they moved rapidly.  A personable, yet confident woman named Melly introduced our judge, the Honorable Soloman Casseb, III.  He quickly corrected her.

“Call me Sol.  The only Judge Solomon Casseb was my father, who passed away two weeks ago at the age of 94.”

He proceeded to enthrall us with tales from his father’s illustrious career and that of other notable justices from Texas history, like Judge Reeves, who served his entire career from a wheelchair.  His 10-minute tribute to his dad was met with a round of applause.

Wow!  This going-with-the-flow stuff really works!”  I smiled inwardly.  Who would’ve expected a free motivational talk as an intro to jury duty?

Judge Casseb proceeded to explain the finer points of jury duty: what an honor it is, how important a service we are performing, how much he appreciated us.  ( I was feeling more and more grateful by the minute.)

Finally he explained who was NOT allowed to serve and who had the right to an exemption.  After that rousing welcome and pep talk, I was shocked when anyone got in line to be excused.

So now I’m waiting in this comfortable chair… at this cozy table, having not been selected for either of the first two jury panels.

But the cappuchino from the cafeteria across the hall was good.  And, I did see fresh fruit over there, too, so I know it’s not all snack food.

Who knows what the rest of the day will bring? I’m just going with the flow.

The Science of Happiness: Getting in the Flow of Your Life

Almost 20 years ago, a Hungarian psychology professor, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, published his ground-breaking work, ‘Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience.’  I’ve been a fan of Csikszentmihalyi, (“chick-send-me-high-ee”) ever since that time.

According to “flow” theory:   people are most happy when they are in a state of flow— a state of concentration or complete absorption with the activity at hand and the situation. The idea of flow is identical to the feeling of being in the zone or in the groove. The flow state is an optimal state of intrinsic motivation, in which the person is fully immersed in what he or she is doing. This is a feeling about 85% of the population reports having had at times, characterized by a feeling of great absorption, engagement, fulfillment, and skill—and during which concerns, like time, food, and ego-self, are typically ignored.

Other characteristics of the flow experience are:

1.   Complete involvement, concentration in whatever one is involved in.

2.   A sense of ectasy- that idea of detachment, being outside everyday reality

3.  Great inner clarity- a clear sense of what needs to be done and how things are progressing.

4.  A certainty/ inner knowing that the activity can be accomplished, neither bored nor anxious

5.  A sense of serenity- no self consciousness, a feeling of oneness with life

6.  Timelessness—focus on the now, time distortion, no awareness of the passage of time

7.  Intrinsic motivation—whatever produces “flow” becomes its own reward.

The idea is important to me for two primary reasons:  (1) I recognized immediately, upon reading the book, that  ”flow”  was the reason  I was basically a happy person, when so many people around me, especially those with more money, a more exciting career, a better love life, or whatever, were not.  (2) Once I became a professional hypnotist, with a specialty in anxiety, I focused on the theory as a means to help anxious clients.  I decided, since I already knew what flow was supposed to look like, having experienced it myself for years, I could teach others how to do it.

Referring to the list of points above, I can say, with absolute authority, that every single point listed can be accomplished using hypnosis.  Whether a client comes to reduce anxiety, stop smoking, lose weight, improve a skill, what makes hypnosis work, in my opinion, is that, in the trance state, the critical faculty is by-passed.  The focus shifts away from self-consciousness and towards a type of  “extra-consciousness”  in which anything that is suggested becomes not only possible, but highly likely.

When a skilled hypnotist uses an ego-strengthener, the client is told:  “Everything that I tell you, every suggestion I give you, is becoming deeply implanted in your subconscious mind and beginning to work for you perfectly.”  Any suggestions that follow the ego-strengthener will IN FACT become deeply implanted.

In the next segment on this series about the FLOW experience from a hypnotist’s point of view, we’ll look at some techniques for achieving FLOW on a more consistent basis.  In the mean time, here are some more links to Csikszentmihalyi’s books, interviews and other related links.

Mihaly Csikszentmihaly’s Books

Creativity : Flow and the Psychology of Discovery and Invention

Flow : The Psychology of Optimal Experience

Finding Flow : The Psychology of Engagement with Everyday Life

The Evolving Self : A Psychology for the Third Millennium

Optimal Experience : Psychological Studies of Flow in Consciousness

The Art of Seeing : An Interpretation of the Aesthetic Encounter

Beyond Boredom and Anxiety: Experiencing Flow in Work and Play

Writing in Flow : Keys to Enhanced Creativity

Other Related Links

Reaching Flow to Optimize Work and Play

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/199707/finding-flow?page=2

Go with the Flow – Wired Magazine 1996

Interview with Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi – Planetary.org

About Having Hypnosis Sessions with Me

Over the years, several questions have come up repeatedly regarding having hypnosis sessions with me.  So, I thought, in this article, I would answer them in one group, for your convenience.  If you have a question that does not appear here, you can check the FAQ page of my website.  Or you can email or call me.

Is hypnosis covered by my insurance?

Generally speaking, no, hypnosis is not covered by insurance.  However, more and more companies are beginning to approve it under Wellness Benefits.  Three, in particular, that I have worked with are:  USAA, Methodist Hospital and Pioneer Flour Mills.  In some cases, it is only approved for weight loss and smoking.  For the life of me, I don’t understand why Stress isn’t covered FIRST.   After all, stress is the root of almost all the other problems.

If I’m buying a package of five or ten sessions from you, why can’t I pay the other half after half the sessions?

The whole point of a discount package is that you get a discount for paying in advance.  I charge $80 per hour regularly and $350 for five sessions, regardless of how many hours they take. (Weight loss and smoking take two hours initially.)  I started allowing people to pay half in session one and half in session two as an additional break for people who have a tough time paying all at once.  If I allow the payment in third or subsequent sessions, I am actually losing money.  Do the math.

I tried counseling (psychotherapy), but it didn’t work.  Will hypnosis help me?

I tell my clients to think of me as a cross between a computer reprogrammer and a coach.  Hypnosis is not counseling or psychotherapy.  It is based on an entirely different paradigm.  It works very well for regular everyday problems where the client wants to change the behavior or the emotional reaction to someone or some thing.  It is not for people who need:  to have the sessions paid for by insurance (see above), to be medicated, someone to talk to, to continually rehash their problems or who have a diagnosed mental condition such as schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder, psychosis, or sociopathic tendencies, or who otherwise require medication.  Hypnosis works very well for pain management.  However, make sure you work with a hypnotist who is trained in pain management.  Hypnosis also works very well as an adjunct to other therapies, such as acupuncture, massage, reiki, and with the traditional medical therapies.  It is especially helpful in allowing a client a quick recovery after surgery.

“Hypnosis for Cheerleaders: How it Works”

Like I mentioned in the previous blog entry, I’ve had success over the past couple of years helping about 40 cheerleaders get over performance anxiety.  Basically, they develop a fear of doing back flips.  In some cases they have had a bad fall, in some cases it’s the fear of falling, that causes the phobia.  I liken it to the fear of cold calling that can build up over time with sales people in which they can’t pick up the telephone any more.

In any case, these girls, who were once fearless with their routines, suddenly become afraid to even try to perform.  In many cases, the phobia bleeds over into other areas of their lives.  They make even become reclusive.

I use the same techniques I use with other phobias… anchoring, which I’ve written about several times in this blog.  I have the cheerleader find a time in her life when she felt very confident and/or safe, a color she associates with those feelings and a word that she associate with confidence.  Then I have her go through all the aspects of her cheerleading routine, especially the back flips or back hand springs, while simultaneously anchoring the positive feelings.  I have her try to bring up the feelings of anxiety, but each time, in every step, we reinforce the anchors.

Unless the cheerleaders also suffer from anxiety in other areas of their life, they eliminate the cheerleading phobia in one to three sessions.  Like I tell all my potential clients, “Hypnosis is not psychotherapy.  It does not require years of talking about your life history.  It’s more akin to computer reprogramming.”  We don’t even need to know why the problem developed.  All we need to do is eliminate it.

If you know a cheerleader who is suffering from “fear of doing back flips,” have them give me a call.

“Hypnosis for Cheerleaders : Small Business Marketing Tip”

You know how sometimes you can look at something for so long that you don’t see it?  That would be ME today.

I’ve been teaching individuals, usually small business owners, marketing techniques for years.  You know:  how to build clientele on a shoe string, how to effectively use PR, no-cost advertising tips.  I always tell business owners to lead with their strengths.  Don’t try to be everything to every body.  You can’t afford the advertising. Be really good at something.  It’s easier to build a reputation at just one thing.  You become the “go-to” person for that topic.

In my case, it’s Working with Anxious People, and Helping People who want to Quit Smoking.  I do those types of sessions all the time with wonderful success.  Does it mean I don’t do any thing else?  Of course not.  Just means I have built a reputation in these two areas.

Well, low and behold, as I was busy growing my business, even in a down economy, unlike many hypnotists, my business is still there, even without spending money on advertising….I had a new Eureka moment.  Something I’ve done many times, with great success.  I just never stopped to realize I had developed a level of expertise in it until the most recent mom called me just this week.

I’m really good at helping cheerleaders get over their fears. I’ve done about 40 of these sessions, all with great results.  And the funny thing about hypnosis is this:  when you help someone in one area of their life, it tends to bleed over into other areas.

So, if you are a cheerleader, the parent of a cheerleader, or someone who knows a cheerleader who is struggling right now, especially with fear of doing back flips, give me a call at 210-735-6766 or email me.  And if you want to know how the session works, read the next post.

Adios!

“I Am” by Connor Hrivnak, age 11

This poem was written by Connor, age 11, for a school project.  I include it here as inspirational because, with kids like these in the world, I am inspired about our chances for the future.  If you know someone in need of inspiration, please feel free to forward this poem.  I’m sure Connor will be happy to have helped.

 

I am a crazy boy that loves hockey.

I wonder what happens to the world while I’m asleep.

I hear the wood crack in the forest as the trees wander about.

I see the world spinning at a fast pace it dances with the sun.

I want the world to be at peace for the last years of its life.

 I am a crazy boy that loves hockey.

 

I pretend to soar through the sky with an F-22 Raptor at my control.

I feel the skin of my horse as I fling through the forest.

I touch God’s hand as the world comes to an end.

I worry about all the animals in the world.

I cry when I see stray, abused, or dead animals in the world.

I am a crazy boy that loves hockey.

 

I understand the life will come to an end, but I am not afraid of it.

 I say that life is about fun, honesty, passion, courage, respect, hope and happiness.

 I dream of a world out in space like ours. I try to succeed with all my strength.

I hope the world will live a while longer.

I am a crazy boy that loves hockey.

Super-Mom Stress Syndrome and Hypnosis

Sheila (not her real name) left a job as a CPA to begin having children at the age of 35. Megan (an alias) was laid off from a stressful job in corporate America and started her own small business. Besides having major life transitions in their late thirties, what these women have in common is Super-Mom Stress Syndrome.

SMSS presents with the attitude “I can do everything,” “I have to keep all these balls in the air,” “No one can do it except me.” Sheila had lost the luster of her life. She didn’t want to DO anything with the family she was so busy taking care of, preferred to eat her dinner alone, sat and read books on family vacations, drank wine alone at night. Megan, on the other hand, was running like a rat in a maze, with a constant state of brain fog. The main difference is Sheila’s case had persisted longer and had now turned in to burn out.

Both of these women have an engrained attitude that they have to “do it all” and there is no “me time” left in the equation. Interestingly, neither came to me to work on this problem. Both instead wanted to work on weight loss.

In reality, weight loss is the symptom, not the problem. Massive stress causes the body to produce more adrenaline and cortisol. Cortisol, particular, will cause the body to hold fat around the mid-section. In order to release the excess weight, we have to work on the core issue causing the SMSS. The nice thing about hypnosis is: we don’t really have to know what the core issue is to let it go. We simply instruct the subconscious to do so.

One of the things I always like to do with these or similar cases is Time Line Therapy tm. I refer to Time Line as Emotional Vacuum Cleaning. The process allows us to clean out anger, sadness, fear, hurt and guilt, plus any additional stuck emotions. Then we can eliminate any stuck limiting beliefs like: I’m not good enough.

Another process I include in these types of sessions is deep, deep relaxation and installation of self-hypnosis signals. I generally give the person a trigger word of their choosing that they put on their “trigger color” sticky note and place in strategic spots in clear view. For example, an SMSS mom might have a purple sticky note with the word “relax” on it.

Finally, the SMSS moms are going to get direct suggestion for ways to incorporate more “me time” and homework to being do so by a certain date. I generally give these instructions at the outset and check up on them every week until the new behavior is in place. Hypnosis generally makes the installation of new behaviors much easier and faster than say, cognitive therapy (at least that’s the comments I get from my clients) because it is more like computer re-programming than counseling.

Even with hypnosis, SMSS is not a quick fix. SMSS moms have to be re-trained to put themselves back into the equation of their lives, literally. I usually include a healthy dose of guilt, with the admonition: If you disappear, who is going to take care of all these people.

Food as Inspiration: Kathy’s All-American Pancakes

You probably never expected to see a pancake recipe in an inspirational blog, but I find inspiration EVERYWHERE!  All modesty aside, I’d put my pancakes up against any pancake on Earth.  If Texas had a pancake cook-off instead of a chili cook-off, I’d be right up there in the big middle of it…grinnin’ like the Cheshire cat.

My basic philosophy of food, is that healthy food should be delicious, and my pancakes exemplify that doctrine.  They are scrumptiously loaded with just about every healthy ingredient you could think to put in a pancake.  Now, for those of you who aren’t sold on the “healthy-delicious” mantra, you can use regular white pancake flour as your base.  However, I promise, you will not lose any flavor points if you take the leap and use whole grain or sweet otato flour.

Is your mouth watering yet? Good.  Here goes…..(make a batch and then email me with your results.)

Pancakes for Three Hungry People at 4^th of July breakfast

1 cup whole grain or sweet potato flour (sub: ½ and ½ with regular pancake mix)

1 egg

¼ cup chopped walnuts or pecans

¼ cup chopped strawberries (RED)

¼ cup blueberries (BLUE)

¼ cup sliced bananas (WHITE)

tsp cinnamon

tbs. Flax seed ground

¼ cup Oatmeal – not instant

½ to 1 cup water for desired consistency

Blend all ingredients.  Then add water for desired consistency.  Fry in butter in frying pan.  Top cooked pancakes with your favorite syrup, butter or whipped cream. Garnish with fruit and nuts for eye appeal.

From the basic recipe I’ve given you, come up with your favorite alternates.  I sometimes use cherries or apples.  But I think peaches would be great, too.  Blackberries and raspberries, too.  Sweet potato flour is awesome!  Let your own muse inspire you.

p.s.– Stay tuned for more inspirational recipes.

Heroes: “Who’s your cure for the economic depression?”

I know I said we were going to start a segment on heroes in everyday life, and then I’ve just been too busy with, well…. Life…. to write anything for a while.  But I finally came up with some new heroes. 

#1.  Late Late Night Show host, Craig Ferguson.  The Scotish native, naturalized U.S. citizen is undoubtedly the funniest man alive.  It doesn’t matter what kind of day I’ve had.  The man is hysterically funny.  If you haven’t seen him, he is a less frenetic, deeper version of Robin Williams, in my opinion.  Case in point, the other night he had frequent guest, Madeleine Albright (former Secretary of State) on the show.  The topic that night was my other new hero, Texas Governor, Rick Perry and his attempts to get Texas to secede from the U.S.

#2.  Rick, the dick, is my newest hero, simply because he gives me tons of fodder for jokes.  What WERE Texans thinking when they elected the ……..????

Anyway, this is supposed to be an inspirational column, so enough of Texas politics.  After all, this is the stomping ground of former (Thank God!!!!) president, W. 

My point being…. if you want to survive the current economic situation, find some humor in it.  I can’t think of anything more comical than Texas politics.  For a great take on the former, watch Craig Ferguson.

Ya’ll come back now, heah?

Detachment

For 10 years, back in the 80’s I kept dream journals. It was during my most profound phase of self-discovery. I had read about lucid dreaming and problem solving in your sleep, and decided I wanted to learn how to do it all.

One of the dreams I can recall as if I had it yesterday.

I was high atop a mountain in Hawaii. The weather was perfect, breezy and fresh. A group of native women were standing on either side of a long wooden table, weaving straw baskets. A tall, muscular, impressive-looking Hawaii man, with a radiant smile, stood next to them. Down below, I could see traffic scurrying along on the street like so many ants. Busy.

As I walked up to the big Hawaiin, his smile was so brilliant, it made me catch my breath. It was so peaceful here, on top of the mountains, with the natives, weaving baskets. That’s all there was: this place, the Hawaiins in their colorful grab, the straw baskets, the fresh air, the peacefulness.

“When am I ever going to get here,” I asked him pleadingly.

He just smiled back at me, and said, “Don’t worry. You will someday.”

I awoke from that dream feeling so wonderful, even though I knew I didn’t completely understand it. Somehow, I knew he was right. I trusted that I would “get there someday.”

Tonight, more than 15 years later, the answer came to me.

I was lying in bed, thinking back over my day, preparing mentally for sleep. I thought about the new part-time job I had taken a few months back, thanks to the current economic conditions. It was an interesting place. Management mostly ran around like chickens with their heads cut off. “Oh, the sky is falling. The sky is falling. What shall we do??”

The workers constantly complained about everything that management did or said, even though they all had jobs in the midst of the worst jobless rate since the Great Depression.
I had a new “boss,” twenty years my junior, who was constantly trying to give me ‘sales tips’ on ways I could improve my “sales game,” even though I’d been selling since he was in diapers. And his style of selling was the “hard-core-razzle-dazzle-shell-game” and I only did relationship selling, and did unto others as I would they do unto me.

I was mulling it all over, the way one does right before falling asleep, when suddenly I realized that none of the afore-mentioned situations bothered me one iota. And I knew, in the core of my being, that I had, in fact, “gotten there.” I had made it to the top of the mountain.

So here I am, up in the middle of the night, writing this down, for anyone who will read or hear it.

“Why?” you might ask.

I’m not sure. Maybe I think the big Hawaiin would be proud.